I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
