I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
do herpes really smell.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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