Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
