I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
