Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Randomize