My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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