i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Congratulations! We have a period
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
