Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
