Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Randomize
