i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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