Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
