You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Vodka?
Forever.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
