K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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