There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
