I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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