there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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