We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Shame - the story of my life.
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