he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
