champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
