She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
