Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I queefed so loud it echoed.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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