Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
