Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
