69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
