I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
