Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize