i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
