I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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