Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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