Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
