How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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