i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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