she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
