I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
