I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Randomize
