You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
