I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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