If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize