i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
well most of my day revolves around power hour
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
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