Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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