so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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