wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
last night I used snow as a chaser
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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