In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
