I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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