I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
