I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
