His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
The struggles of a small town man whore
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
