he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
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