I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
