Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
