we have pet lesbian snakes
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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