so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
