I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I believe in your delicious
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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