i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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