I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Can you bring me the toilet please
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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