My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Dicks are not precious.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
