Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
