you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize