If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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