Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
