Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
