You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize