I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
