why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
