Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
