is your mom at the bar?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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