i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
