Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
