party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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