apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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