Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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