i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
