saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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