You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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