saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
