The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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