I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
