wrigley field is MILF paradise
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
third nipple confirmed
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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