sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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