You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
