Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
