I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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