i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
