...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
