I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize