I wish I could teleport
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
