are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize