It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
