so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
