I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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