very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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