Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
