i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize