we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
