I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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