My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
