What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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