just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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