FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
