u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
