she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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