We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
