Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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