He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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