We're facebook friends in real life
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Randomize