saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
